4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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