i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
