She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
