I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
