i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
