Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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