Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You are a genius and a whore.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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