he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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