Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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