Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
