Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
