wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
