just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
