Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
