So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
