So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
