I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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