why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
