I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize