Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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