Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
