It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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