She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
