Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
