sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
