I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
