ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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