So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
