Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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