Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
