Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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