guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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