He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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