bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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