my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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