I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
