Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
