i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
