god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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