She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
