I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
