you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
