I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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