i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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