those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
