Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
