seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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