I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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