i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
