Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
