I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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