I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
