You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
