this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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