my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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