make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
