why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize