I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
