She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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