I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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