does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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