I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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