I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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