The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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