We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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