the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want her autograph on my taint
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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