This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize