I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
