she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
