I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
