paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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