sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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