Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
