I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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