Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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