My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
