last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
