Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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