so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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