He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
