dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
